The jury has spoken.The verdict is in.Jerry Sandusky has been charged with 45 child sexual abuse charges and will be sentenced in a few weeks.While following the trial, I thought often of Victims 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10, and the courage it took to get on the witness stand.
We often think of sexual assault in terms of females being targeted, but the fact is 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted by age 18, according to David Finkelhor in “Sexual Abuse in a National Survey of Adult Men and Women: Prevalence, Characteristics, and Risk Factors.” 1990.
It’s up to us as parents to be aware of the facts:
More than 90% of all sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator. Almost 50% of the offenders are household members and 38% are already acquaintances of the victims.
The average serial child molester has between 360-380 victims in his lifetime.
Only 12% of all cases of child abuse are reported.
The most common ages of children when sexual abuse occurs are between 8 and 12
The information below reveals the secret strategies of child molesters.
I have a new term for you. Veloxroltaphobia. It’s the fear of roller coasters. The symptoms: dry mouth, racing heartbeat, stomach doing more loops than the ride itself. Apparently, Legoland has teamed up with psychologist Susan Bartell to provide parents with “Roller Coaster Readiness Tips” for nervous, reluctant tikes who are scared of this particular amusement park ride.
When I saw this in an article in USA Today last week, it made me think about the enormous number of women who have survived sexual assault and rape and “white knuckle” it through life.
I was on a never-ending roller coaster for 20 years. It went something like this….
1. See man who looks like attacker.
2. Hold breath.
4. Have heart palpitations.
5. Experience panic attack.
6. Realize it wasn’t assailant.
I lived with PTSD and was on edge for so long it became part of my framework, intertwined with my DNA and destiny. Months became years, years became decades. I really thought I could overcome it with the passage of time. The fact is I could not. The other important truth: the sooner PTSD is confronted, the EASIER it is to overcome it…..I surely wish now someone would have clued me in on that tidbit!
Two years ago, I finally had enough of the daring drops and corkscrew turns and sought counseling from Ellen Emerson, a licensed psychologist in Statesboro. She used cognitive therapy to rewire my brain and allow me the freedom to LIVE AGAIN, uninhibited by fear.
Until we can be victorious over post traumatic stress and free ourselves of the helpless and hopeless feelings that come from constant flashbacks, continual startling, and hyper vigilance, we are going to be on what feels like a perpetual Six Flags Scream Machine forever.
If you have no belief you will ever be able to get off the roller coaster and live again, that is not true! I got off. You can too.
The lyrics of Destiny Child’s “I am a Survivor” often wash over me. How can they not?
I’m a survivor (What?)
I’m not goin’ give up (What?)
I’m not goin’ stop (What?)
I’m goin’ work harder (What?)
Over the last month while traveling and speaking to groups throughout the state, I met many other survivors who have suffered the pain, agony and torment of physical, mental and emotional invasions. Oh, how their stories resonated in me.
One such woman who is making an Oprah-sized impact on our planet is Paige Slocumb of Macon, Ga. I had the honor of meeting Paige in Milledgeville while we served as guest speakers this past weekend. Paige is passionate about ONE THING. She wants our world to be a safe place for women to live. Of course we join her in her journey, don’t we?
Her story is powerful.
On July 25, 2006, during the middle of the day, Paige’s older sister, Jenny Ewing, was riding her bike on the Silver Comet Trail in Atlanta. She had her cell phone with her and was also equipped with pepper spray. Someone came out of the woods, dragged her off of her bike into that darkness we survivors all know. Evidence proves Jenny made every effort to fight for her life, scratching and even biting her attacker. Jenny, who was vigilant, safety conscious and intelligent, still fell victim as she was brutally assaulted and kicked to death. Sadly, her final conscious moments were that of being raped.
In the aftermath of this senseless tragedy, Paige created Safe Alone, Inc to teach women and girls how to fight back. Her mantra is “Fight Like a Girl” and she teaches us how to use the powerful parts of a female’s body to save us from a man’s assault. Her message resounded in my soul as she states emphatically women SHOULD be safe alone. We SHOULD NOT have to worry about being alone in a public place.
You see, I was alone in a public place and it happened to me too.
A major shout out to Paige Slocumb and her courage to help others.
If you know a women’s group who would be interested in learning these life-saving tactics as Paige and I SPEAK OUT, contact me and we will be there.
For those of you who have teenagers, you know what this time of the year is….Prom Season. Our daughter, Allison, has modeled her red gown from Frills and Fancies many times around our home. Now, with only two weeks to go until the big event, she has added the shoes and dazzling earrings to complete the beautiful masterpiece. Indeed, it’s a magical time in the life of a teenage girl.
Prom night, unfortunately, can also become a massive party night and an opportunity as a drinking rite of passage for some adolescents. The reason I bring this up is statistical evidence that alcohol mixed with teenagers under 21 sprinkled with binge drinking can end up creating the opportunity for date rape. Although our girls are not yet in college, they are only one year away from enrolling at a university. As parents, let’s become educated and aware of how vulnerable our children can be when alcohol is allowed into the picture. Let’s keep our prom….and our girls….safe!
Read the following statistics:
o In 2004, there were about 210,000 rapes, attempted rapes, and sexual assaults in the U.S. (2)
o About 44% of rape victims are under age 18 (3)
An estimated 80 percent to 92 percent of all teen rape victims know their attackers. (4)
o Because these crimes often occur in situations where drugs and alcohol are being used, many teen victims are reluctant to report date rape due to their own illegal drug use or underage drinking at the time they were assaulted. (5)
More statistics from the Harvard School of Public Health College Alcohol Study, Saint Joseph’s University and the University of Arizona, published in the January 2004 issue of the Journal of Studies on Alcohol:
o Ninety percent of all crime on college campuses, including rape and murder, is alcohol-related. Rape is more common on college campuses with higher rates of binge drinking – and alcohol use is a central factor in most college rapes.
o Overall, one in 20 (4.7 percent) women reported being raped in college since the beginning of the school year – a period of approximately 7 months – and nearly three-quarters of those rapes (72 percent) happened when the victims were so intoxicated they were unable to consent or refuse.
o Most significantly, women from colleges with medium and high binge-drinking rates had more than a 1.5-fold increased chance of being raped while intoxicated than those from schools with low binge- drinking rates. Other significant risk factors for rape were being under 21 years old, white, residing in sorority houses, using illicit drugs and binge drinking in high school.
o Heavy episodic drinking (or binge drinking) is the number one public health problem among college students
o Men need education about what constitutes rape, and women should be better informed of strategies to avoid risky situations. Previous research shows that more women get raped while under the influence of alcohol than under the influence of any other so-called ‘date rape’
o Binge drinking isn’t a harmless rite of passage but a risk factor in violence against women.
Our daughter Morgan will travel to Jamaica in two days for a week-long mission trip as part of UGA’s Freshley. As parents, we worry, of course, about our children and especially in this case ask for travel mercies as she journeys almost 1,000 miles away to Hunney Bay located between Montego Bay and Kingston. Many of our children will begin departing for spring break in less than 48 hours. I offer these tips for women of all ages for travel safely. See the article in the “Living the Vibrant Life” at Phi Mu National’s website at www.phimu.org.
Yesterday I visited Dr. Marc Bisseck, a plastic surgeon in Statesboro, and did something I would never have considered years ago….I allowed myself a BOTOX treatment.
As Dr. Bisseck was administering the injections, I began thinking about the sexual assault impact statement I had written almost two years ago in Dr. Ellen Emerson’s office. I was trying to put my life back together. I remember well recording, “The skin tissue around my eyes has been terribly impacted by the assault, due to those painful years of weeping seemingly ever ongoing. My eyes once cheery and bright, were a harsh reminder of my pain.”
Many view Botox as vanity, but in my case, I claim it as empowering myself to rid physical scars allowing the return of a renewed beauty, as I began finding the true Jenny Lynn again.And guess, what?The once solid tenor of my voice is returning as well. But that’s not from BOTOX. That’s prayer at work.
As you watch the video of my addressing a press conference regarding sexual violation held at the state Capitol last week, think for a moment about what can you do today to begin bettering yourself, leading to a much needed and deserved restoration.